The Musings of a Misfit Mom, Older Mom

Hellman kids
My three angels

OK, so I’m not really sure how many moms out there can identify with my story, but I’m going to tell it anyway. I am a misfit Mom. This sounds self-deprecating… and in a way it is. I am saying that I don’t exactly fit in with any of the social circles that I have surrounding me. Ultimately, at least the way everyone else does I guess. I am an older mom and I have three kids, all in different phases of their lives. The strange thing is, that the majority of my friends are younger and are in completely different phases of their own lives. Hmmm.

Life Changes

After my family and I moved down to Florida my husband and I basically started over. Thereafter, we both found jobs and built a life here 15 years ago. Our kids were little, 3 and 6 years old. I started teaching elementary school after staying home with the two of them for several years, as a stay-at-home mommy. Because this was a second career for me, as a result, I started later than most (Hence, the younger friend group). Above all, I have an amazing group of core friends, don’t get me wrong, but when it comes to branching out, well, I sometimes feel like a misfit!

God’s Plan

As God always has a plan…his plan was for our family to grow once again, and at 39 I was pregnant with number three! Without question, she was sent to us. I never doubt that, and it pains me deeply when someone refers to her in any other way (that is a subject for another blog post!) There were many emotions on the day I found out! Could I do this physically? Oh no, I have to start over again? Am I high risk? Am I too old? What about the sleeeepppp?! I began to prepare myself mentally. But I realized the day she was born, that she instantly became the light that brought our whole family together. She is pure joy and the greatest blessing.

Boom! Fast Forward!

Hellman kids
Kids now at 21, 18, 11

Fast forward to today. My son is 21 and graduating college this year! My middle daughter is 18, and graduating high school! I am 50, with an 11-year-old. Ha! So where do I fit in? I guess I have been fitting in, sort of. I do notice that the moms of the much younger kiddos stick together and do things together socially. Quite honestly I would feel strange hanging out with them; without that common thread of “littles” to compare notes, share silly stories and commiserate about. I’ve done that and I can’t go around spouting all my” old lady knowledge” about child rearing! No one likes that!

Owning It

So, I have a choice. I can hang out with my friends who I have created beautiful friendships with over the years, and quite frankly I adore them. Like many women, I will choose to own my years and reflect on the fact that in the end we are all getting older and I am just ahead of the curve. I must understand and accept that I might not be invited to all of the things or most recent get-together, but I can find my own place in the social circles of my world. I’m not an empty-nester (nor will I be for a very long time), but I’m not like most other moms either. I have a unique experience, so hopefully, as a misfit mom, I will find MY fit with MY people.

 

Lisa Hellman
Lisa was born and raised on Long Island, NY. She graduated with a bachelor’s degree from SUNY New Paltz with a concentration in Fine Arts. Lisa has worked for Conde Nast Publications, and in the Stock Photography industry, licensing intellectual properties. She moved down to Florida with her husband, two kids, two cats, and a dog in 2004. Four years later her last daughter was born, and since then, they have made Odessa their home for the past 14 years. After taking a seven-year hiatus from the corporate world, to stay home with her children, she returned to work as a substitute teacher, thinking she would do that part-time since she loved teaching her own kids over the years, as they developed and grew. Little did she know, she’d become a certified elementary school teacher for the next 13 years! During her time away from school, she enjoys spending time with family and doing things around her community. Lisa loves spending time with her friends as well, enjoying a glass of wine and having great conversations! She loves the outdoors and the beach, as this is her haven. Lisa enjoys the arts and dabbles in pottery, drawing and crafting.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Well said, Lisa. I share your “misfit mom” title. But I’m not so sure I was made to blend in. I think I shine best in my uncontrollable uniqueness. I have hearing loss, one child with challenges and I’m an older mom, too. I think it’s only when we fight who we are that makes it painful. Thank you for spotlighting the beauty of our differences. You’re an entertaining writer!!

    Hugs, Lisa!!
    Jodi Costa

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