I’m a Mom Just Like You
I’m a good Mom. And I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. It has to do with my ability to regulate my emotions which are sometimes intense.
Being diagnosed in my early thirties with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) after a suicide attempt, I am relatively new to this diagnosis, but I have struggled with mental illness my entire adult life. Along with BPD, I also have PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I struggle with the “hallmark” features of BPD, emotional dysregulation, relationship dysfunction, splitting, impulsivity, and extreme emotional swings. Despite this, I try my best to live as ‘normal’ a life as possible.
And if you asked my friends if I was a “Borderline,” if they even knew what that was, I don’t believe that they would necessarily say yes. I think that many would say, yes, she suffers from depression, and possibly anxiety.
What I Wish Others Knew
I Love My Children
No matter what. Yes, as I mentioned, I struggle with splitting, or “black or white” thinking, which is an all-or-nothing, love-or-hate, inability to see both the positive and negative aspects in a situation. But let me assure you, this does not apply to the unconditional love I have for my children. No matter what, I will love them, all of them, always.
I Know That Parenting With a Mental Illness Is Difficult
I don’t need to be reminded by anyone, my doctors, my family, or my friends. I’m on the right medications for me, right now. And I have a good therapist, who provides sound advice. And I have a great, loving and understanding husband, who despite my shortcomings, still loves me for exactly who I am.
I Have Learned To Control My Emotions And My Anger
This has been quite challenging, especially because kids can be frustrating. However, I have learned to control my emotions and let that internal turmoil out in other ways – exercise, cooking, cleaning and creating crafts and arts. I will also leave the room and give myself some time to myself if needed to calm down.
My Ability To Be A Great Mom Is Not Inhibited By My Diagnoses
Just because I have a mental illness does not mean I cannot be a fantastic mother. If that were true, other Moms with other chronic illnesses would not be able to be good moms either. In spite of some of the articles I have read that children of moms with BPD are forecasted to have a future of misery and disaster, I work incredibly hard to be a good mom and ensure I am not that stereotypical “BPD Mom.”