Fashion + Beauty
Chub Rub, Swamp-Butt, and Other Florida Ailments
If you are new to FL, you might be looking forward to the dip in temperatures September, in other places, often brings. This is not other places. This is Florida. Instead of looking forward to fall, we are actually gearing up for another season, Summer 2. Don’t panic, we do have Flinter. A coolish-temperate-cold snap-mashup that occurs anywhere from Oct. 31 to April? We never know ahead of time…
Extended summer temperatures mean extended summer ailments. I’m here to offer some expert advice and cure-alls for those who may be suffering:
Chub Rub
My thighs touch. No. My thighs caress. There is a lot more than just “touching” going on down there! I’m fine with this. My ample inner-thighs have gotten me out of many jams, like that time I dropped my fries while driving, or any time I need a vice-clamp to hold items when my hands are full.
You may have noticed this summer’s fashion trend is adorable dresses. There are tons out there for ladies of all shapes and sizes. They are cute, easy, and perfect for air-flow in the sweltering heat. The only down-side is the rubbing and chaffing that occurs when two loving thighs embrace, all day long, in the hot. sweaty. summer. OUCH! The horrible, painful rashes are enough to put me off dresses all together. What’s a girl to do?
There’s always the cream solution. If the Dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding used Windex as a cure-all, diaper cream is mine. Well, diaper cream and anti-fungal spray (which I will get to later). In fact, check out the article I wrote covering the 15 ways you can use diaper cream (and all those free samples).
Desitin works great AFTER the rub has turned into a burn, but I came across an article uncovering several great products that aim to PREVENT the rub in the first place. I like these much better than the shorts-under-the-dress solution I used as a kid. (Back in olden-times, when electric-blue spandex burst on the scene for the first time, I wore it under my dress to minimize the chafe. Unfortunately, it added another layer of clothing, a delightful “spare tire” spilling over the top band, and really helped me feel “sexy.” Victoria had no secrets for me). I digress…
Jane contributor, Lesley, reviewed several new products I didn’t know existed. She shared her results in this great article. These solutions are bound to keep you comfortable and fresh while wearing your cutest dress! Her favorites, and the ones I really want to try are as follows:
I know getting undressed has lost some of the glamour it used to hold. When I take off my top, these days, I usually have some Cheerio’s tumble out. Gone are the times when I cared about matching my under-tops to my bottoms. Still. There are times when I want to look and feel sexy. Bandalettes are the PERFECT solution. Don’t be afraid to put on your slinky black dress. These little numbers are bands, that look like garter tops, that go around your upper thigh. They look like sexy lingerie and wont clash with your cute bra and panties if the night ends up…steamy. The web-site shows different ways to wear them. Even though I won’t be having them hang out the bottom of my shorts any time soon, it’s a cute option.
Another cute lingerie style option, Undersummers are a light weight short and cami set you can wear under clothes. The people I know that have tried them say they are undetectable under clothes. They also report forgetting they even have them on! Offering tons of cute patterns, colors, and lengths, it’s a cute and casual answer to “the rub.”
This may be a no-brainer to you runners out there, but I’d never been introduced. BodyGlide comes in a deodorant stick and is available at sports stores and some pharmacies. Unlike other spray or powder options, this stuff lasts for hours and holds up to intense friction!
Swamp-Butt
Along with the heat comes the humidity. In a place like Florida, where the humidity prevents your sweat from evaporating and cooling your body as nature intended, the sweat has no place to go. If your body type has any extra curves, flaps or folds, as mine does, you might find moisture …er…“collecting” in undesirable areas.
Swamp-Butt is different from Chub Rub in that the rubbing involves friction. Swamp-Butt (and its sister-ailment Swamp-Belly) requires a lack of air-flow and for moisture to accumulate all day long. The result of this “accumulation” is a different kind of burning redness, that can also be foul-smelling, embarrassing, and down-right awful. This is jock-itch for women, if you will. I’m no medical doctor, and I’m sure there’s a technical name for this, but I don’t have time for that. When Swamp-Butt attacks, you gotta’ grab something and go!
Here’s where trusty cure-all #2 comes in: Anti-fungal spray! As with jock-itch, I imagine, Swamp Butt can be bacterial or fungal (like a yeast and mold). Ugh, let’s skip this part and go right to the cure, shall we?
I like to grab any generic brand of anti-fungal “continuous spray” containing tolnaftate. You find it in the “athlete’s foot” section. In fact, most of these ailments are caused by the same kind of things that behave differently in different areas. Any are where you experience Swamp-Butt, like in the rear, make sure to wash and dry the area thoroughly. Shake the spray well and apply a thin layer. Be prepared. It BURNS! I use my hair dryer, set to cool, to dry the spray and relieve the burning. This is best done in private. (Can you hear your five-year-old telling this story at school?)
Repeat this process twice a day. If it doesn’t go away in a few days or gets significantly worse, contact your doctor. If you are in doubt, contact your doctor. For me, this works wonders. Catch it early and prevent a full-scale breakout.
Swamp-Boob*
*Quick note about Swamp Butt’s distant cousin, Swamp-Boob. She’s not necessarily the same thing, unless the symptoms match. I recommend using some powdery, cheap, spray deodorant under the twins for a dry, fresh feeling. This summer I’m using Soft & Dri, powder-scent, antiperspirant spray. On underarms, it’s useless–leaving me neither soft nor dry. It’s perfect for keeping the girls fresh on a rough day, though! Skip the body spray for a quick freshen up and try a nice smelling deodorant spray. Armpit stains look terrible. Boob-sweat stains look WORSE!
Desert Heel
You know the picture of the dry, cracked, desert floor? Does it resemble your feet in any way? In Florida, flip-flops and sandals are a year-round footwear choice. In fact, come Flinter, you might see people wearing flip-flops and scarves. It happens. Flip-flops are not good for feet (or backs or knees). Again, I’m not a medical professional, and I’m sure there’s research out there, I’m just not giving up my flops. Period.
There are many other causes to cracked heels, from diabetes and skin disorders to constant exposure to moisture. This is not meant to be a medical treatment or substitute for a physician’s advice, but here are a few things you can do to help:
- Anti-fungal cream and socks. Not kidding! Try putting anti-fungal cream (not spray) over your heels and covering them with socks while you sleep. For me, this worked a miracle over night! People swear by other kinds of lotions/oil and sock combinations. People recommend everything from Vaseline to coconut oil. See which works best. The heat from the socks helps the moisture absorb into the dry skin and also protects your sheets. The socks are the common denominator in this equation.
- Soak your feet in lemon juice for 10 min. then gently exfoliate with loofah or pumice.
- Paraffin wax treatment. You can buy a Paraffin at-home kit or get this done at some salons.
- Mashed banana. Mash a banana into a paste and liberally apply onto the heels. Leave on for 10 minutes then wash feet with warm water.
- Long walks on the beach. This one is best used in conjunction with another remedy. Soaking your feet in the salty-warm Gulf waters, then taking a stroll along the sand, is a natural way to exfoliate your feet. My feet always feel smoothest after a few days at the beach!
But what if I hate socks? My feet get hot?! I know. I know. There’s a solution to that. HEEL HEALERS! They are a cute little half sock, covering just the heel, and will keep your foot cool while your healing salve goes to work.
Florida is hot. Pamper yourself a little and enjoy time outside a little more. Have any solutions you love? Share them with me here! I’m always willing to try new things.