Am I Ashamed to be a Stay-at-home Mom?

A few months ago, I went to a small high school reunion that included people from one history class. It’s been a minute since high school, say 7,884,000 minutes to be exact, but who’s counting. I spoke with people I hadn’t seen since high school and it was a great time. However, a simple question caused emotions in me I didn’t know I had. A former teacher of mine asked, “So, what do you do?” I reluctantly said, “I’m a stay-at-home mom…..but I also am the Editor for Tampa Bay Moms Blog.” Somehow, I felt the need to justify that I wasn’t just a stay-at-home mom. But why did I feel embarrassed, reluctant, ashamed? Was I ashamed to be a stay-at-home mom?

My Past Success

In school I considered myself to be a high achiever. Advanced Placement classes in high school and graduating towards the top of my class with honors. Moving on to college, it was more of the same. After college, I was able to move into a good career and achieve my Masters of Business Administration. I owned my own house at 23. I was by my own definition, “successful”. 

In my late twenties, I got married and then after a few years had my first child. I continued to work full-time until I was set to come back from maternity leave with my second child. Our childcare situation had changed where my family wasn’t able to cover watching my kids for 5 days a week for 8 hours. So my husband and I made the decision that I would stay-at-home.

I was really happy about the situation. I would get to spend time with my kids and not worry about balancing it all. Little did I know it would be the hardest “job”, I would ever have! We were fortunate, in that we both saved from well-paying jobs and real estate. Therefore, that afforded us the blessing to be able to make this decision. 

So essentially, I worked really hard for a long time to be ABLE TO STAY-AT-HOME. In today’s world, it can be hard to achieve this.

So why was I ashamed to be a stay-at-home mom? That’s the ultimate question. 

 

Redefining Success

I think it’s in part because of my “definition of success”. For so long, I was conditioned to believe success was making good money and buying “things”. Taking pride in the glamour of a title or large paycheck. Instead, I needed to change my mindset. To realize that I worked hard to get where I am today. #seasonsandreasons 

I went from a full-time in an office job, to a full-time work from home job to a stay-at-home mom and now I’m working part-time from home. I get the luxury to stay-at-home and work part-time. Right now that’s my journey. For some people, they have a full-time gig that fulfills them and makes them a better person and parent as a result. Hello Hubby!

Everyone’s definition of success is different and that’s ok. My definition may change tomorrow but for right now, I’m living in this moment and remembering that I wanted to get here and that I am successful!

 

4 COMMENTS

  1. Kelly, thank you so much for the perspective. I am not a stay-at-home mom right now, but maybe someday, so it was interesting to read about your experience.

    • Hi Natalie, Thanks for reading. It’s definitely been a journey full of emotions and I’m so happy to be where I am today and that’s the ultimate goal!

  2. I stayed home with Drew till he was almost 3 then went back. I remember the awkward feeling of saying i was an SAHM and sometimes just feel…less. But when I went back the less feeling really didn’t go away. Now working for a surgeon it gets real crazy trying to balance stuff during the week and having the absent army guy juggling the 2 kids is always making me feel I’m not doing enough. For them or my hubs. So back to the less feeling again. I think as moms we are our biggest judger (that’s definitely not a word). At the end of everyday Im literally telling myself I am enough and don’t care what ppl think of being a full time job mom or the SAHM 😊

    • Heather so true. You are enough! It’s definitely a roller coaster of emotions and we are our own worst critics. But in the end we are all moms just trying to find what’s right for us and our families. It’s different for everyone and that’s ok.

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