Co-Sleeping: I Never Planned To Do It, But I’m Sad It’s Over

Confession: Until I became a mom, I knew very little about co-sleeping and assumed it was a dangerous practice. A mom sleeping in her bed with her baby? She must be crazy. I mean, wasn’t she putting her baby in harm’s way? Everyone knows a crib is the only safe place for a baby to sleep, right? And maybe she is just a little too attached to her child – don’t kids need some independence? Also, what about creating “bad” sleep habits?

Fast-forward to actually becoming a mom.

Meeting my son for the first time was an incredible moment, as any parent understands, but in the weeks following I became completely overwhelmed. Although my son was precious and perfect in so many ways, he wasn’t like other newborns I had heard about or been around (i.e. newborns who sleep a lot… or at all). He had horrible colic for the first several months of his life. He screamed and cried nearly all day, every day, and that’s not an exaggeration. It was extremely difficult to console our little guy and even more difficult to get him to down to sleep. It took a toll on all of us – my baby, my husband and me.

Those first few months as a new mom, I didn’t know what to do. My son made high-pitched screams the second he was lowered into his crib (which seemed more like a prison to him at that time). He would sometimes sleep in my arms, but eventually, we invested in an elevated contraption known as the Rock ‘n Play. It was highly recommended to me by other moms with colicky babies. Thanks to the Rock ‘n’ Play, we all finally found some relief. My son would sleep for an hour – maybe even two! – at a time. We were getting occasional, broken sleep, which was better than the completely sleepless nights of the months prior. But after a couple more months, we knew he was getting too old for the Rock ‘n’ Play, and we were worried because it was not intended to be used as a makeshift bed.

Enter co-sleeping/bed-sharing.

The crib was still not an option even after my son’s colic subsided, and my motherly instincts told me that making him “cry it out” was not the right choice for us at that time. I was sleep deprived and desperate for a solution. I had heard of co-sleeping/bed-sharing in some of my moms’ groups, especially the “crunchy” ones, and my good friend, Jade, co-slept with her only child at the time. I reached out to her with my questions and concerns, and she made me feel better about my decision to possibly begin bed-sharing.

And so, when my son was five months old, my husband and I did our research and began our bed-sharing journey. I’ll admit, the first few months made me really nervous. My son has always been small for his age, so at five months, he was the size of an average three month old. Although I was getting more rest at night in general, I still found myself waking often to make sure he was okay. Most nights, he slept next to me, cuddled between my arm and chest, nursing throughout the night. It took time, but when I finally realized that I was creating a safe sleep surface and doing everything I needed to do to co-sleep safely, I relaxed. I became more and more comfortable, and eventually, bed-sharing became my new normal. It became something I actually enjoyed.

I get that not everyone “gets” co-sleeping. I understand that not everyone feels comfortable doing it, even though it definitely can be a safe and wonderful sleeping option. To be honest, I didn’t choose co-sleeping; it chose me. In fact, I always assumed my baby would sleep in a crib like many babies in our culture do (co-sleeping is much more common in other parts of the world). But co-sleeping ended up being a positive change for my family for nearly a full year – it felt like a lifesaver during the many months my baby would not sleep anywhere else.

I must admit – now that my 18-month-old son has been transitioned to his crib for a few months, I sort of miss co-sleeping.

I miss it because cuddling up to your most precious gift in the whole world each night, all night, can be so comforting – and beyond adorable.

I miss it because knowing my child needs me to sleep, and feels most comfortable drifting off next to his mama, is pretty darn special. (They are only small for so long, right?)

I miss it because I could quickly respond to my son’s needs, and I didn’t have to get out of bed!

I miss it because I believe it made breastfeeding even easier and nurtured that relationship, until my son was ready to cut back on night feedings.

I miss it because waking up next to your grinning, happy baby cuddled close is the sweetest thing ever.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my husband and I having our own bed back for many reasons. We chose to transition our son to his crib at 15 months because he seemed ready and we were ready, and honestly, he now prefers his crib. (If you choose to co-sleep for a longer period, go you! Transitioning at that point is just what felt right to us.) But from the mom who NEVER EVER thought she would sleep with her baby in her bed, co-sleeping ended up being an eye-opening, mostly positive experience for us. Sometimes, when my husband and I go to sleep at night, I’ll say, “I miss Connor.” And he’ll say, “But he’s only been asleep a couple hours.” But I do. I miss him being next to me some nights, even though I’ve accepted that he’s changing and wants his own space to sleep.

While co-sleeping sort of “chose” me, I think I’ll always cherish those nights being cuddled up to my sweet boy.

Also, next time you hear that a mama is sharing her bed with her baby – either by choice or out of necessity – don’t be quick to judge or offer advice. Accept that she’s probably doing what is best for her family, especially her child. I still believe that my baby needed to sleep next to me, no matter what popular sleep books say. And judging by the extremely happy, secure, loving toddler he is today, I think we did right by him. Each child is unique and each situation is unique, and it was what worked best for my son.

Did you co-sleep with your children for any amount of time? Did you choose it or did it “choose” you? What was the experience like?