When I first met Kevin, he told me that he didn’t believe in Valentine’s Day. I thought to myself, it’s not Santa Claus, you don’t have to believe in it to get me the mandatory bouquet of roses and a trip to Paris. I don’t think that’s asking too much. Well, he wasn’t kidding. There’s something about a strong-willed man and being told by society that they need to conform that makes them want to run for the hills. If you do a quick interwebs search on this holiday, in particular, it totally makes sense why he would be against it. Nothing screams love more than the beheading of a holy priest…

Fun facts. Apparently, in 278 A.D. there was this absolute jerkface called Claudius, the emperor of Rome, and the clown wanted himself a stronger army. Unfortunately for him, the men at that time put their families first before fighting. In order to squash that whole love nonsense, Claudius banned marriages altogether.

In spite of this, a holy priest called Valentine performed marriages in secret. Spoiler alert, this ended quite badly for the Roman Cupid. He was found out and beheaded supposedly on the date being that of February 14th. Take that as you will but nothing honors the execution of a holy man more to me than roses the color of blood and the heart-shaped tums they market as candy. You probably need some right now as your stomach is undoubtedly upset over this gory new knowledge. Unfortunately, you’re out of luck this year due to the sale of the company, Necco. But, I digress…

I wouldn’t even mind this approach from my husband, “although I hate this date of February the 14th, I realize that you are a societal minion and that you want some stinking goodies so fine, here is your Rolls Royce and a nanny for the next 18 years.” That would be totally acceptable. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that if you want to make something happen, you better do it yourself. Hence some Valentine’s date alternatives for the heart holiday hatin’ spouse in your life that they won’t say no to.

1. Surprise HIM with a dinner date.

Let’s face it, this is not a movie. Life is not so cinematic and sometimes we just have to suck it up and make the damn dinner reservation. Your signif (significant other) will appreciate your efforts and everyone eats right? The bonus here is that you’re guaranteed a date AND you get to pick where.

If you really like your spouse, then go ahead and take them to the “all you can eat” meat-sliced-off-a-skewer place which I personally find repulsive. The world is your oyster when you’re in charge so go ahead and get raw ones if that’s what suits your fancy. Personally, I’d opt for a reservation the day before or the day after because the V-Day prefixed menus are a complete scam. I’m sorry but I don’t need a $20 vial of pudding at the end of my $100 per person dinner. Way to exploit a high priest who got his head cut off by charging your customers double on his day.

2. Book a couple’s massage or a pedicure date.

I feel like you also can’t go wrong with booking both. My husband was so against pedicures until he found out that the polish is optional. A complete stranger will clean up your disgusting feet and massage your calves, what’s not to like? And if they aren’t feet people, take them somewhere where someone can massage their backs. Obviously, you’re both going because this is not their birthday. This is about doing something as a couple. A little piece of advice here, if your spouse snores like mine does if he doesn’t wear his CPAP machine, don’t get the couple’s room for your couples massage! I repeat! Go for your own private rooms because hearing your spouse snore while someone is massaging you defeats the purpose of the date.

3. Volunteer together.

I can honestly say that the best time I’ve had with my husband in a long time is when we built beds for children who would otherwise not have somewhere to sleep beside the floor. This is something that you will need their input on though. I’ve found that there are certain things that my husband absolutely will not find joy in doing together, like scrubbing toilets. Our last opportunity involved power tools so he was in and obviously so was I. There are several websites that provide volunteer opportunities in the area of your choice. My personal go-to is volunteermatch.org.

4. Surprise them with a movie.

I’m not saying that you have to go see the latest superhero film. I’m sure there is some happy medium between that and whatever your first choice may be. Try to find a theater with reclining seats. If the film turns out to be a crapshoot, you’ll be comfortable enough to sleep through it. Giving the gift of nap is really the best gift of all.

5. Take him to a trivia night.

This is pretty unconventional for a romantic date. It is however fun. Kevin and I are super competitive as I think a lot of couples are. Jeopardy is our nightly matchup. Sometimes it’s nice to just join forces and beat some other nerds… Or lose, that’s also a possibility. But losing as a team is better than losing to each other any way you swing it. Local breweries are the best bet for finding a trivia night. The beer is a plus and lessens the blow of a loss. This won’t happen to us, not if you ask my husband.

These are all tried and true ideas. I’ve surprised my husband on multiple occasions with these dates and he’s always been on board which makes us both happy.