Diary Of A Moms ONLY Weekend Getaway

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Diary Of A Moms ONLY Weekend Getaway

The last time I went on “vacation” I was kid-free, eating a burrito in my car in the Taco Bell parking lot listening to an audiobook. I was actually thinking “this right here, this is the life”. I know it’s totally cliché to re-count the times we’ve gone ANYWHERE without our kids in tow and how that feels like a vacation but guess what, it totally feels like one. 24-year-old me would have had a hay day making fun of 34-year-old me. But she was dumb so what do I care about what she thinks. 

Moms don’t really get vacations. I mean if you go on Instagram ALLLL of the moms are on vacation though. BUT they either have a nanny or they’re just cropping out their kids in the photos where they’re drinking piña coladas with their friends. People show us what they want us to see right? And what I WANT sometimes is to be one of those moms!

A few months back, my friend pitched this idea of a mom’s only weekend getaway. Just the thought of leaving my husband home alone with our two boys for the weekend left me feeling naked. Like postpartum naked. Seriously terrifying. My husband goes on work trips and leaves me with our two boys and it’s no walk in the park. Not exactly something I thought Kevin would be jumping at the chance to try. To my surprise, he graciously accepted the stay at home dad hunger games. The weekend would soon be mine. May the odds be ever in your favor dear sweet husband.

But First, Let’s Reminisce

BDL. Does this acronym resonate with you? Bottles, diapers, laundry. My friend recently summed up a mom’s day at the beach with those three letters and it’s accurate AF. We all remember GTL. Gym, tan, laundry. No kids, no real responsibilities. Yeah, those days are long gone. 

Do you remember your first spring break without your parentals and before BDL? Please comment below if so, because those are my favorite kind of stories. Mine went like this, I was eighteen and dirt poor when my friend called to invite me to Myrtle Beach. To which I told her that I had no money but could provide the entertainment on our road trip. That was it, we were on the road within a few hours wearing neon-colored wigs and blasting 50 cent, which ironically was about how much money I had at the time. It was a simpler time.

The Game Plan

Flash forward 16 years. You can’t just pick up and leave your family for a weekend without much preparation. Dateline would be all over this missing mom and I’m not trying to get a silver alert put out on me either. I’m a mom and moms need a plan. All of a sudden there was all of this activity in my brain like “Who do we invite? Where do we stay? Can we still request ‘In Da Club’ at the club?” 

My girlfriend and I started brainstorming. Did we want to go to the beach or did we want to go to a resort with a killer pool? We do live in Florida after all. Also, did we want to invite the entire neighborhood or just a couple of close girlfriends? Would we want to go out dancing or have a relaxed kid-free evening at our hotel?

A Quick Tutorial Of What NOT To Do 

We went ahead and invited all of our mommy friends. Big mistake. First off, some moms were left out simply because when you’re sending a mass message on your phone, you try to think of everyone, but it’s not always that easy. Especially when you have a toddler running around your legs. On top of planning, now you’re dealing with the inevitability butthurt people that weren’t invited but assumed they should have been. You also have to start planning around everyone else’s schedules. And everyone has their own idea of what a mom’s weekend getaway should be. Sorry, Karen but going to the outlets was not on my agenda. When you’re the one that’s planning it, unsolicited suggestions can get pretty irritating. 

When everything was said and done, only four of us could actually go. Less really is more. Think of it like a birthday dinner where the restaurant puts your party of twenty at a long table. You can only interact with the people sitting across from you. All of a sudden it’s less “fun birthday party” and more “blind date with the neighbor who doesn’t let her kid say poop”. No thanks, we’ll only need a table for four this time but don’t worry, we’ll pour one out for the homies who had to stay homie.

The Moms Take On Orlando, Sort Of.

Bags were packed and we ended up booking a villa The Omni Orlando Resort at Championsgate for one night but two full days of pool time. I reluctantly agreed to this hotel because it was a bit far from the nightlife that I had so set my heart on. Our friend had stayed there before and assured me that it would not disappoint. 

When we arrived, we threw on some momkinis and headed to the pool. And holy adult pool indeed Batman! Lined with beautiful landscaping free from screaming children playing hide and go seek. It was like an oasis. We settled into our cabana for the day, ordered strawberry margaritas and decided that having no itinerary would be our itinerary. The staff made us feel like actual family. So we decided that they’d have to boot us when they closed the pool like real family would do when the party’s over. They’re lucky that I didn’t start hanging up framed pictures of our children in the cabana. That’s how comfortable we were there. 

Amenities? Yup. Use Them. 

What happens when you put four overtired moms together on a weekend getaway? They grab inner tubes and enjoy the lazy river in their resort. That’s totally normal, right? Just a couple of middle-aged women getting blasted by water cannons and giggling like five-year-olds. We looked like wet dogs by the time we did a full lap. Totally worth it. Nothing to see here folks, carry on. 

Between the relaxing atmosphere and the sunshine, our day absolutely flew by. It was like my toddler’s naptime. Over in the blink of an eye.  Like we just got there and it was already time for dinner. Luckily we didn’t have to go too far as with any good resort, there is always a restaurant on site. I actually had completely forgotten about my need for the Orlando nightlife because we were enjoying ourselves so much. You can find me in ‘the club’ ultimately ended up becoming ‘you can find me in the hotel room at 10PM fast asleep with my face mask on’. Because that is just how wild I get on my one night off. 

One More Lap For Old Times’ Sake

Don’t even think that just because we were checking out of our villa that we were going home. No way Jose. We headed straight back to the adult pool. We were even lucky enough to snag the same cabana from the day before which was good because I was feeling pretty territorial about it at this point. We literally had no desire to explore any other part of the hotel or actually venture off the property. We were living our best life.

Doody Calls

We eventually made our way back to the ‘burbs. Not to be all sappy but I did miss my guys, diaper changing and all. My husband didn’t even complain once about his time with the kids which shocked me because I’ve actually met my kids. I’m tempted to tell him that we should make this a monthly occurrence but I actually want to stay married. All joking aside, I definitely think that these quick mom trips should be a THING in real life and not just on Instagram. Hopefully, I can manage another one very soon and remember to pack my robe and slippers this time. You know… because of my happening nightlife. 

 

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Brishen Pipenur
Brishen is originally from New York but has lived in Florida fourteen years which now means that she freezes when the temperature drops to 75 degrees. She's married to her best friend Kevin. They are cemented together through sarcasm and witty flirtations. Through God's grace, they are the parents to Declan (5) and Connell (2). They live with another couple, Jake who's 47, and Ellie is 36 according to The American Kennel Club. She is a stay at home mom though she is relentless in trying to escape the daily grind of laundry and bleaching EVERYTHING. She finds refuge in pilates and in helping others. She hosts an annual blessing bag party. Then with her family distributes the bags all over Tampa Bay. She is diligently trying to raise boys into men that will restore faith in humanity one kind act at a time. She thinks the key to life is not to take oneself too seriously. A sense of humor and a strong cup of coffee don't hurt either. Her suburban journey can be followed as bring.me.coffee on Instagram.