Are You Wearing Clothes? Yes? That’s Good Enough for Me!

How in the world do parents get their children to look so darn adorable every morning for school? Seriously? Are they, like, SuperMoms or something?

You know the ones… The little girls in matching dresses and tights and cute little shoes. Their hair pulled back into intricate braids with matching bows.

They have glittery pink book bags with the information card completely filled out and tucked neatly into the back pocket.  Their lunch boxes are filled with green, leafy, healthy stuff and a thermos filled with soup.

How do parents do that?

My children are not quite so pulled together, but at least they are wearing clothes.

Let’s focus on my daughters first. Audrey is 7 and Lexi is 5. They often look homeless. On a good day, Audrey can pass for that scary child that crawls out of the well in The Ring.

I get them out of bed a solid hour before they have to be at school. First, I turn on their bedroom lights and smother them with kisses. When that doesn’t work, I yank the blankets off their warm little bodies and drag them, kicking and screaming, out of bed.

Once they’ve trudged downstairs, I’d like to say that I fix them a nutritious breakfast. But let’s be real. I toss a chocolate cream pop tart on a paper towel and tell them to eat.

I pick their clothes out the night before. In theory, they should match. But Audrey has a tendency to spill anything and everything on her clothes before walking out the door and Lexi thinks she knows better than I do about what looks good.

So, Audrey looks like a Garbage Pail Kid and Lexi looks like Madonna, circa 1980. I usually have time to brush the pop tart crumbs out of their hair before slapping it into a haphazard ponytail and kicking them out the door…

Then there’s Cameron. My 12-year-old middle school student. Let’s put it this way, he walked out the door this morning in shorts and a Star Wars t-shirt with wet hair. It was 39 degrees outside. Since he was already late for the bus, I threw a jacket at him and prayed his teachers wouldn’t judge me too harshly.

I’ve tried putting them to bed earlier and getting them up earlier. It doesn’t work. I’ve tried banning all toys and electronics until they are totally ready to walk out the door. It doesn’t work. I’ve tried blaming my husband. It doesn’t work.

I would love my kids to look put together and perfect every morning but I guess that’s just not the way my family rolls. My kids are clean and are wearing clothes. They don’t smell (often). And the pop tart is almost always off their cheeks by the time they arrive at school. Maybe I should just be happy with that.

Maybe, once Cameron realizes that girls like boys who wear something other than Star Wars shirts, he’ll start taking a little more care with how he looks. And the girls… Well, I’m not sure if I look forward to, or dread the day they start taking more pride in their appearance. Only time will tell.

Stay tuned in 5 years for my blog post titled “My girls are spending 3 hours in the bathroom—send help!”