Parenting Wisdom
Why Rule-Breaker Moms are the Worst
Because we build connections over social media these days, it’s not uncommon for moms to use Facebook groups to find commonality. I feel like I am seeing more rule-breaker moms – moms that find a way to bend the rules to fit their wants and needs. I’m sure you’ve seen them, too.
Rule-breaker moms. Their posts almost always involve school rules and dress code and it is a post that is sure to cause a lot of drama! They are the worst and here’s why:
Example Post: “Hi guys, our school’s uniform dress code says no leggings but my child LOVES leggings. Do you think it’s okay if the leggings are khaki-colored?”
And another: “So, my school doesn’t celebrate Halloween and they said no costumes but this character dress I ordered off of Etsy isn’t really a costume, is it?”
And another: “My daughter just got a dress code violation for having a hole in her jeans at thigh level! What’s the big deal (I mean, it’s not like it’s her crotch)?”
You see where I’m going… It’s not just the dress code rules, it can be anything that complicates their lives. Too much homework? Rule-breaker moms write a note to the teacher letting her know that their child will not be participating in homework. Carline is a mess, she creates her own parking spot. When this rule-breaker mom doesn’t like the rules, she finds loopholes.
And… she causes problems for the rest of us, “Rule Followers.”
Why Moms Should Follow the Rules
Rules are everywhere and Rules have Consequences.
We have laws which are rules that every single one of us must follow unless you want a fine or, you know… jail time. That is the consequence of not obeying the law. The same rings true for these other structures (work, school, home, sports) where rules or guidelines are in place.
Let’s say that you were constantly late to work… Well, you are eventually going to get fired. If your child breaks the dress code or violates a school rule, there is a good chance that your child will get a demerit or detention.
Rules are made to keep us safe and for the most part, keep things equal and fair.
I have to assume when the “rule-makers” sit down and come up with their rules they are not trying to run a concentration camp. They put rules in place to keep everyone safe. You don’t argue with the airport for having everyone walk through a metal detector, do you? Don’t you feel more secure knowing that everyone else has to do it, too?
Schools have safety protocols that keep the student body as a whole safe. They also have rules to help keep things equal and fair. This includes dress code, grades, and sports.
Moms who break the rules or questions the rules often individualize their child putting their child’s wants and needs (or their own) above everyone else and cause a great deal of stress to the teachers and school administrators who are trying to keep things equal and fair.
I am not a school administrator but my husband has been a teacher/ coach for 14 years. I’ve heard the non-conformists stories. Here’s the deal: If you sign your child up for a school- read the handbook! Either agree to comply or find a school with more lenient rules.
Rules Help Moms Set an Example
When you allow your child to break the rules, you are teaching that child that they are above the law… and above their peers. You create an environment where your child has a choice to obey or ignore the rules.
Do you have rules in your own home? Doesn’t your child have to follow rules at home? Would you allow your child to pick and choose what rules he/ she followed at home? Does he/she have consequences for his/ her actions?
In all seriousness, when he/ she grows up, rules don’t disappear. The same goes for on a job? How could a child who thinks rules are optional hold down a job? Raise a family? Be a contributing member of society?
What to do When You Don’t Agree with the Rules
I know what you are wondering about… Does this lady blindly follow outdated rules? What about rules that need to be changed because they no longer apply to our culture and society?
Yes, I am very much a “Rule Follower” but I am not a sheep. I have come across some silly rules that I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at! I (as much as anyone) wish I didn’t have to pay taxes or insurance. I don’t agree with all the rules at my child’s school.
I do believe that people should be allowed individualistic expression. However, I also believe people should follow the rules and guidelines that have been set in place for them. That means if you have a dress code, you express yourself through your personal style on your own time!
When you don’t agree with a rule… you have two options that don’t include finding loopholes or going on a Moms Facebook group and bashing your child’s school!
Option 1
Ask yourself why you don’t agree with it and find a better solution. Often times, when we don’t agree with a rule, its because it inconveniences us or we feel like it doesn’t really apply to us. If you can’t see where this rule benefits anyone look for a better way. Then move on to the next step.
Have a meeting with the people in charge. Whether this structure is work, school, or even the law- Discuss why this is an issue for you and what it could be instead. I’m not saying you will change anything but this sure is a better way than “trying to take the law into your own hands.”
Option 2
Suck it Up, Buttercup!
Really… I speak for the masses when I say, “Suck it up!” We all have to follow the rules. None of us agree with every rule set in place but we do it anyway. Stop trying to find loopholes or make the system work for you while the rest of us are victims of your child’s (or your own) individuality. You are not above the law. And the rest of us are tired of you whining about it! Clearly this is one of my parenting pet peeves.