2020 was a dumpster fire of a year. I mean seriously, if you had told me on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day 2020 what the year would bring, I would have assumed you had too much punch and needed a ride home. I may have passed along the names of some therapists for you to call when you recovered, and checked in on you to make sure all was well. I definitely wouldn’t have thought any of it would be possible.
It’s Too Heavy
The first time our school posted a video of teachers holding signs saying “I miss you,” I sobbed. My kids were excited to see their teachers but from that first note, I was done for. We spoke of ‘heavy days’ where it was just too much–too much missing friends, too much missing grandparents–just too much. That was 2020: just too much.
Wishful thinking
I was adamant that I would still work out, eat well, and live my life as much as I could without actually leaving my house. Then a heavy day hit. Followed by another. And another. I tried to potty-train my special needs son and it didn’t work. It was one more thing I was failing. I yelled at the kids a lot; I stopped working out; I let us all eat whatever we wanted. Because what does it matter anyway? The world is crazy and I was feeling like I wasn’t far behind.
Thinking about all I needed to do and to change was debilitating, honestly. I need to eat better. I need to get back to working out. I need to invest more of myself into relationships with people I can’t see. I need to…I need to stop. Climbing out of the hole of suck can be exhausting. No, scratch that–it IS exhausting.
Slow and Steady
How am I climbing out of the hole? Slowly. Slower than a sloth. I am taking it one day at a time. I focus on one small change I can make. I am trying to drink less coffee so I can drink more water. Tomorrow I will work on eating a salad for lunch. It feels like the descent into the hole we all fell into was quick: walking along in March 2020 and all of a sudden everything just stopped. There is no normal and that can cause some serious mental health issues. I encourage you to reach out for support if you need it. Therapists are still doing virtual appointments. Friends can Facetime or Zoom a happy hour. You are not alone. Take it as slow as you need to and focus on one small change at a time.
How are you climbing out of the hole of 2020? What small changes have you made? Share with me in the comments.
